have this in shirt form (unfortunately not animated)
How I read this FB news today.
Deutschlands Bundesländer || States of Germany
i went to walmart to buy beer and ice cream. this was even after i rationalized how much my body would both love and hate to consume beer and ice cream in a singular evening. the cashier should’ve known i’m on my period simply from my purchases and not just my bitchface. my ovaries are still emitting stabbing pains throughout as i sip this delicious beer in this very moment.
maybe he didn’t think about my purchases and how it revealed i was on my period because the person in front of me came to walmart at 9:30pm on a Monday night, with her child asleep in the cart, simply to buy a toaster. i would like to know what series of events caused this purchase. did she not need a toaster before this very moment? her child never wanted toast? the mother never wanted toast? nobody else in the family? a friend who came over and was like “i want toast”? why not wait until morning to buy the toaster? why?
you sit down to watch the lion king with me. i point out that leafcutter ants do not live in africa within the first five minutes. you begin to realize that you have made a horrible mistake. i continue to point out every usage of a tiger’s roar in place of a lion’s. you are at the door, but it is locked.
straight from my mandatory graduate assistant orientation organized by my very prestigious and legitimate university